pop-culture for the people

So I’m walking down the street one day, and I feel my head being smashed by the cold bulk of a brick. Everything goes dark, I fall to the ground, my last thoughts being the sensation of being stuffed into a sack much like one you’d store potatoes or some other kind of nondescript vegetable in. I wake up only to find myself handcuffed to this table, with a desktop computer and as small note that simply states, “Write us some music reviews or die (Please).”

Well, I think that’s what happened. Somebody said Kurt and Kevin asked me to take on this reviewing of noise, but that’s hardly interesting, is it? People like violence nowadays. See? Smashing of heads and threats upon lives. You like, no?

Anyway, so begins my first music review. Seeing as how they’ve somewhat recently put out a new album, I decided that I’d tackle Weezer. These ‘geek-rockers’ as so many have affectionately dubbed them have come out with yet another self-titled CD and are currently touring it around the US. The new album (nicknamed the ‘Green Album’) is probably my least favorite out of the three (the others being the ‘Blue Album’, and ‘Pinkerton’. The song structure is much more like the Blue Album, although this Green disc is a bit harder in sound than much of the Blue. This can probably be attributed to Mikey Welsh’s bass playing (he replaced Matt Sharp, who went off with Pat Wilson to start a new band named ‘The Rentals’- although Pat ended up returning to play with Weezer once again). Every time I listen to the Green Album, I get the feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is missing- the same kind of feeling one would get after being lobotomized- and I’ll be damned if I can figure out what it is. Now, I’m not saying that the new disc is lacking. It still contains all the Weezer goodness from the other two. However, if I had to pick a favorite, it would definitely be Pinkerton. The Green Album does have its moments though. Although it’s the radio favorite at the moment, the gender-bending ‘Hash Pipe’ still makes me smile. Coincidentally, I heard that this was the first song that Rivers Cuomo didn’t write based on a past experience. It’s probably true, as I don’t think he’s had much time between the band and Harvard to become a transvestite prostitute in California (ultimately what ‘Hash Pipe’ is about) but hey, one can never know.

This past September (the 29th), I had the privilege of seeing Weezer live on the (then) last show of the Midget Tour. We drove down 5 some-odd hours to the Jones Beach Amphitheater in Long Island. It was pretty freezing, especially seeing as how it was supposed to be the big outdoor end to the summer tour. Now, I’m not sure if it was just because of the cold and wind or if it was a normal occurrence, but Rivers and the rest of the guys didn’t move around at all. It was exciting when Rivers decided to lift up the neck of his guitar close to his head for five seconds. Despite their stone statue demeanor, the music was fantastic. They played several songs off of the new album, as well as many from the Blue CD (My Name is Jonas and Undone sounded great). Unfortunately, the only thing they played off of Pinkerton was ‘Tired of Sex’. Thousands of people kept chanting “Pink-er-ton! Pink-er-ton!” but to no avail. I was a little disappointed since it happens to be my favorite CD out of the three, but hey. I can’t complain; the show was still great, plenty of lights, fog and shiny things for those that are easily distracted. I would’ve enjoyed seeing Mikey Welsh on bass, but circumstances kept him from the show. (Truth be told, he is (was) in a psychiatric facility in Boston. Details are scarce, so I won’t go so far as to rely on rumor (one being that he just had a breakdown) or take a guess. Hopefully he’ll be out soon, and feeling better. To be perfectly honest, Ican’t remember the name of the guy who replaced him… nor would I care to. He was nothing to write home about. If I did write home about him, I’d be likely to include him in sentence such as ‘Wow. The food out here is about as bland as that replacement bass player for Weezer.’ I have nothing against the guy, personally. (I guess) I just wasn’t too impressed. Let’s hope Mikey gets back soon. Speaking of touring, apparently Weezer isn’t so hot in Europe. Maybe they’re too busy listening to David Hasselhoff, but the tour was cancelled because the company didn’t want to spend the money to send Weezer abroad. While disappointing, it makes me happy in a guilty gleeful way; they’ve extended the tour of the US, and should be back up in this area in December. Weezer.com has advanced tour dates, long before Ticketmaster or Pollstar.

Anyway, I’d say it’s worth it. Go out and buy all three of Weezer’s CDs (or vinyl, or tape, or minidisc, or MP3, or whatever it is you crazy kids listen to nowadays). See them live! Download their videos. Enjoy the special goodness (I amuse you, no?) that is Weezer. If you’ve just broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, maybe Pinkerton is for you. If you like sweaters, then maybe the Blue Album is what you should seek. I’d still say get all three. There should be a new CD coming out fairly soon, and you should get that too. (Really, I swear I’m not corporately driven- I just like ‘em a bunch!) If you’ve been a Weezer fan since the beginning, throw your hands up in the W and be proud. If not, check Weezer out. They’ll definitely be worth your time.

I’d better start my next review before they sick the monkeys on me again…

-Ma!den D!saster

Other Resources For Weezer:
Buy the Blue Album from Amazon
Buy Pinkerton from Amazon
Buy the Green Album from Amazon
Buy their albums from Barnes & Noble
Official Weezer Site
WeezerFans

If you mention Bukowski to some people, especially if they are Mr. Fancy pants English professors, they will roll their eyes and talk about things like ‘shock value’ and blah blah blah. Also if you write anything like Bukowski you will get the same look and people will talk about how is been done so many time and ‘let the man rest’ and so forth. One should approach anything by Bukowski with an open mind, as one should approach anything.
Charles Bukowski was born in 1920 in Germany, his parents soon moved to America. He died a few years ago, 1994. Now if you like to drink heavily you might like Bukowski because he is well known for his accounts of drunken debauchery, but that is not all that he is about. He is also about loneliness. So if you’re a lonely drunk you will like old Charlie as much as I do. You could say that Bukowski led to my eventual downfall, but I think that maybe he was just my friend on the way down.

Let me state that I love this book; this collection of poems from 1974-1977 speaks to me in a way that few can. Mostly I don’t like the poetry of other people, I think that too often it’s cheap and sentimental, and often filled with sophomoric uttering and filled with angst. Teenagers write REALLY bad poems (with a few exceptions that I know: disclaimer) especially if they dress all in black and maybe think that they are just not understood.
Of course you must face the reality that even the greatest of poets write crap a lot of the time, it is the few glittering gems that make something worthwhile.
Now I’ve said that Bukowski is about loneliness, to me this is demonstrated most clearly in his poem another bed. I’m not going to critique the poem for you, you bastards. Read it yourself.

-another bed, other ears, other ear rings, other mouths, other slippers,
other dresses.
Of course what he is talking about here is the familiarity of certain situations that we find ourselves in. It’s the same story always. To ‘The Dr.’ poetry is about hitting the right notes. It is not about politics or a good vocabulary or about witty criticism. Love Is A Dog From Hell hits this note for me more then any other Bukowski book.

Charles Bukowski writes in an autobiographical context most of the time, like Henry Miller lets say. Though you must remember, as Henry said about his own work, “It’s all true, and if it isn’t it may as well be.” If you don’t understand this then maybe you need to reevaluate your definition of truth.
If you hate poets and poetry then you should definitely read this. Bukowski hates them too. He especially hates his fans.
There is a GREAT movie that he wrote the screenplay for called Barfly starring Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway. It really is great. It is based on a time in his younger days when he would continually fight the bartender of the local bar. And of course there are tragic women. You should watch it. Because if you don’t I’ll kick your baby. That’s right.
I guess the main thing about Bukowski that I like is that he tells the truth. Which, again, is not to say that he tell facts. The facts and the truth often have nothing to do with each other.

we will taste the islands
and the sea

I know that some night
in some bedroom
soon
my fingers will
rift
through
soft clean
hair

songs such as no radio
plays

all sadness, grinning
into flow.
I would not say that this small, simple poem is typical or representative of most of his work in this book so here is something a little more Bukowski-esque if you will.
moaning and groaning

she writes: you’ll
be moaning and groan-
ing in your poems
about how I fucked
those 2 guys last week.
I know you.
she writes on to
say that my vibe
machine was right-
she had just fucked
a third guy
but she knows I don’t
want to hear who, why
or how. she closes her
letter, “love.”

rats and roaches
have triumphed again.
Here it comes running
With a slug in its
mouth, it’s singing
old love songs.
close the windows
moan
close the doors
groan.

That’s a little more like the old man. Some people would call him a misogynist and say blah. These people are of course idiots. And if they read a little more they would find his tragic love for all that is woman.
Have a nice day.

-the Dr.
A Note From Hollywood…
If you watch Barfly, you may notice Bukowski in a cameo appearance in the bar.

Shameless Plug:
Buy this book from Amazon.com
Barnes & Noble
Buy Barfly from Amazon.com

More Resources for Charles Bukowski:
Lots of pictures of Bukowski
Lots of Bukowski writings
Bukowski Lives!
LitKicks: Charles Bukowski
Bukowski & Beer
Charles Bukowski Ate My Balls

Ahh… Movies. You know, there are good movies, and there are bad movies. This movie, however, goes way beyond bad… it somehow manages to be horrible, trite and boring all at the same time. You know how it’s fun to watch Plan 9 from Outer Space because it’s so horrible it’s funny? Well, Pinocchio’s Revenge isn’t horrible in an interesting or funny sort of way, it just sucks. I’m telling you that right off the bat. Don’t watch this movie unless Jesus Christ himself tells you to. Even then you should give him a noogie for subjecting you to the ineffably mundane PR. But for me, gentle reader, alas, it is too late. I have seen it, and I have no choice but to share my misery. Look on my review ye mighty, and weep.

Synopsis: Ok, I’m doing this from memory because there’s no way in heaven or hell that I’m ever, ever, eeeeevvvverrrrr gonna sit through this movie again. In fact I’ve put off writing this because the mere thought of the movie makes me bored enough to weep. So please forgive my shoddy memory. Or don’t… do as you please.

Ok, some old man is put to death for murdering babies, ok? He’s a puppet maker, and his puppet’s name is Pinocchio. Oh how original. My god, you direct-to-video movie people are lamer than my gimpy uncle Gimpy. His lawyer is some caring, special lady who’s somehow the star. She will henceforth be referred to as Lawyer Mom. She doesn’t have much in the way of personality or anything, but the same is true of everyone else in the movie. She’s got some psychopathic little kid (Crazy Kid) who bites people at school. And her boyfriend wears pink and acts like a sissy.

See, so much potential for humor, or drama or… anything!!! But do the producers do anything with it? Nope, course not. That would take effort. The old man is executed and mom brings home his puppet Pinocchio and lets her little brat have him as a birthday present. Yes, the puppet is crime evidence, but, eh… plot holes, eh… story that makes sense, eh. Crazy Kid forms an unhealthy attachment to Pinocchio, and together they plot the downfall of everyone who’s ever been mean to her.

God how utterly boring this movie was. I’m not dignifying it with a long review. The stupid doll possesses Crazy Kid and kills people off. Actually no, that’s not it, that’s not it. People get mortally wounded by the toy from hell. No, that’s not it, that’s not it. People fall down stairs and get minor injuries and the stupid doll did it. Ah… that’s it. The back of the movie promised “glee-filled bloodshed.” I see no glee. I see no bloodshed. I just see people tripping. Everyone suspects Crazy Kid because she tells everyone that Pinocchio is responsible for the