Part of my exhilarating summer job involved calling people and having them take a survey about their pets. It was very amusing; I had to get a minimum of 200 surveys. I usually got between 8 and 12 responses in about 4 –5 hours of working, and I called thousands of numbers. I think I could dial a phone and put in my access code in my sleep.
The good points include: good pay, funny responses, people calling me “ma’am” which is just funny, stoned people, free stuff and I get to be published. People weren’t all that rude; I didn’t even have to hang up on anybody.
So, here are some of the highlights. I hope you find them as amusing as I do. Make sure to read them with funny voices.
I at first thought I woke this guy up, though it was well after 1pm. I explained I was doing a survey for pet owners, and asked if he was interested. He said, “Ok”, I then asked if he had any pets. His response (in a really tired/spacey voice): “I don’t think I have any pets.” I then figured he was more likely stoned.
My next favorite response for a person who does not have a pet: “The only pet I have is my wife.” Or “I have grandkids, do they count?”
The rudest responses: “I’m not going to waste my time on that.” Or after cutting me off after about 3 words “I’m on the other line long distance, don’t call this number again.” click
The most polite guy so far replied “Yes ma’am” or “no ma’am” to all of my questions.
I got past the introduction with this one guy, and started asking questions when he said “Hang on I’ve got another call” After which he disconnected me. So I sat there for a minute, wondering, did he get tired of it and hang up on me on purpose? So I called him back, to make sure, and he said no, it was an accident. So we go through the whole survey, and at the end he asks if I ever go to the farmer’s market on Saturdays. He tells me that he runs the coffee cart, and I should come by for a free mocha some time for being so nice and polite. I asked “Are you sure? Cuz I’ll take you up on that!” At which point my office mate shoots me the weirdest look. I have yet to take him up on the offer.
I had one lady tell me “I give out no information over the phone” and then hang up on me. I then had another lady tell me she usually doesn’t give out information over the phone, but that I could start the survey and she’d see whether she wanted to answer the questions. She completed the survey (at which point she told me I win the prize cuz she hasn’t done “one of these” in maybe 5 years). The questions she objected to were: “What is your dog’s name?” (which I didn’t really need anyway), “What is your dog’s breed?” (which she told me at the end of the survey), “Where does your dog spend most of its time: indoors or out?” (which she never told me, but I didn’t press it) and “Does your dog go to work with you?” (which she told me only after thinking about it for a really long time).
This one lady kept me on the phone for way longer than necessary. By the time we were done, I knew her age, that her first husband had died and had routinely fed table scraps to the dogs, that she was remarried, and retired.
I had one lady tell me that she personally knew the first woman to graduate from my vet school (which was in the ‘50s) and we got to talking about where the old small animal hospital had been (which was in the building that I work in).
People like to give excuses as to why they can’t (or won’t) take the survey. I’ve gotten: “No, you just woke me up” (so why did you pick up the phone?), “My wife is in the hospital,” “I just got out of the hospital,” “I’m helping the nurse change the sheets,” “I can’t I’m IN the hospital” (despite the fact that I called a residence number), “I can’t, I’m talking to the police,” “I can’t, my son was in a car accident and I’m talking to the insurance company” (which begs the question; why would you click over to the other line when you’re involved in an important phone call?) or sometimes I get people who hem and haw and search around for an excuse when really all I want is for them to tell me “No” so that I can move on to the next number.
Talking to kids is always fun. I got one little kid who never said “Hello” or anything, just breathed heavily into the phone. I got one kid who said in a rather accusatory tone (trying to sound as mature as possible, but couldn’t have been more than 8) “I’m just a child, I really don’t think I should be answering that.” I also spent a couple minutes sitting through two girls yelling at each other over the phone. The little one asking “Who’s on the phone?” as the bigger one is yelling “Get off the phone! It’s a veterinarian! Get off the phone!” And then I hung up. And then I had the kid who offered to give me his parents work number so that I could call them there. I almost wanted to call them just to tell them their kid was giving out their work number to people doing surveys.
I don’t technically ask or record any personal information, but sometimes people volunteer their professions. I’ve talked to two vets, one incoming veterinary student, a person with a master’s in human nutrition, a person who teaches human nutrition, someone who’s husband is a geneticist, someone who’s husband works at the Health Sciences Library here at school, someone who works for the department of fish and game, someone who used to do surveys, and someone whose husband does surveys for some government thing in Sacramento. All of my numbers are randomly generated out of the residential pages, so I have no idea of people’s professions when I call. It was funny talking to the incoming vet student, and its great getting people who have been involved in survey administration because you know they’ll take your survey. Which also means that now that I know what its like, I am now obliged to take all surveys that cross my path.
Then there are the people who think they’re being watched or tracked or something. I introduced myself to one lady who then said, “Oh, you must be looking for my sister, but she doesn’t live here anymore and she took her cat with her.” Uh, ok, thanks anyway. Then there was the lady who said, “How did you get this number?” You’re listed in the phone book. “Well, then how did you know I have pets?” Uh, actually I didn’t, that’s my first question.
Then there are the people who want to be helpful by offering phone numbers of friends or relatives who have pets, or they offer to take the survey for multiple pets. Thanks, but no thanks; that would totally screw up my randomization. This is technically real research you know, and it is going to be published.
This one lady, who sounded like she was an older lady, couldn’t understand me when I said “This is a survey for pet owners, do you have any pets?” She said, “What? what?” I said, “Pets! Do you have any pets?” To which she replies, “Pot? You mean like marijuana?” At which point I say, “No, I mean like cats or dogs. Do you have any cats or dogs?” Of course, she didn’t, which was probably a good thing, cuz I can’t imagine what she would have made of the rest of the survey.
So, yeah, I’m glad that’s over. Now I get to write it up and have the statistician do my analysis, which is just awesome. Running the analyses is the worst part of research, and here there is an entire department that does it for you. Yay! Also, I’m going to be jumping in to help someone in the nutrition department do a retrospective, which I can’t wait to get started on, cuz it is my type of research. So I have 4 weeks of reading old records (which I actually think I’ll enjoy quite a bit), then two weeks off and then 2nd year starts.
—hathyr
