pop-culture for the people

It’s been over half a year since I’ve written an article, so forgive me if I didn’t choose some of the other things I’m reading like Notes From The Underground _or Insert Highbrow Russian Book Here). This is Marvel Comics, this is mindless escapism, but I like it, ok? So here’s the review.

This book is a collection of the first 10 issues of the Avengers, and this is the swingin’ ‘60s when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were kings of all they surveyed (in the comic world). They had already created a bunch of still-famous characters like Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, etc. So what next? Easy, take them together and put them in a team book. Oh yeah, and add the near-worthless Ant-Man and Wasp. I mean they have nothing better to do, no one wants to read comics starring heroes that can make themselves small and talk to ants.
“Beware my mighty power to summon ants and spoil your picnic!” shouts Ant-Man.
So Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Wasp and (urgh) Ant-Man come together as the Avengers to fight Loki, Norse god of evil and poor fashion sense. Hulk doesn’t last long as a team member because he’s not social (more on that later) and they are soon joined by the legendary WWII comic hero Captain America (more on that later too) (see same old Future, still using way too many parenthesis…how did I graduate college?). The big focus of the book becomes the devious Baron Zemo fighting the Avengers. He assembles the Masters of Evil (best villain name…ev-ver), recruits Norse gods, builds an ally named Wonder Man, and still gets his ass kicked. He does manage to run away screaming “I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you pesky Avengers.” The book is your basic hero fights villain every issue thing. Like I said, not Shakespeare, but it’s fun. It even has confusing time travel stories, and I’m always a mark for those. Now let’s analyze some of the more salient points shall we? I think salient means important, but I also heard that it’s an alternative to using silicone in boob jobs. Who knows, right?

Hulk: He isn’t the Hulk that says ‘Hulk Smash’ then begins drooling on himself. Oh no…he’s pretty dumb but he’s also a cranky ‘ol bastard. He sticks around for only two issues and spends most of his time telling the other Avengers that they hate him because he’s so strong. Then he starts punching them. And he wonders why they don’t want him around? He quits, and being such a good sport starts scheming against them. He teams up with Sub-Mariner, prince of Atlantis and all-around human hater, but it turns out that the Mariner can’t stand Hulk either. Poor unloved Hulk…maybe you’d have more friends if you stopped insulting them and stepping on their necks.

Captain America’s lost love: So Stan Lee thought it would be great to bring back an old character from the ‘40s. Great, just say that he’s been frozen in a block of ice for 20 years, happens all the time. The problem I have with the Captain is his one-dimensional creepy personality. He’s after Baron Zemo, an old nazi war criminal for killing his boy sidekick Bucky. I hate boy sidekicks. I really do. And I really really hate the fact that all of Captain America’s thought balloons are filled with pictures of Bucky and words of weeping. He’ll never get over losing Bucky; Bucky was the most precious guy in the world, etc. Stop being such a girl, Captain America! He has decided to start hanging around with a new young boy named Rick Jones. He and Rick practice “acrobatic tricks” and “fighting maneuvers.” Read between the lines people. Not healthy behavior for any grown man, let alone a so-called super-hero. There is a great scene where Rick dresses up as Bucky and Cap freaks out. He demands that Rick take off the costume and starts sobbing. Baron Zemo was trying to do you a favor by offing your sidekick, ok? You don’t need another one.

Ant-Man & Wasp: Aside from being lame heroes, they are kind of amusing. All Wasp does is talk about how dreamy every hero and villain is, and how she wants to “spend time” with them. Her boyfriend Ant-Man reproaches her with “Don’t you ever think about anything except…” I assume that sentence would have ended in the word ‘cock’, but Stan Lee could never get it past the Comic Code Authority. Good one though, Stan. Wasp is portrayed in a very sexist way. She’d rather be powdering her nose, shopping etc. than fighting evil. Every single super-heroine of the 1960s’ was a bimbette, and I know it’s not fair, but I’m too lazy to write my local Congressman and complain, so if you want to, you can.

Baron Zemo: He’s a really great villain in my opinion. Think Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies, except wearing a hideous purple costume and having a pink hood permanently stuck on his head. He comes up with retarded plans of world domination, like spraying the streets of Manhattan with super-glue, and then bitching and moaning when his plans don’t work. He throws temper tantrums and kicks things out of frustrating…like walls and cute little kittens. He also rules a small village in South America, which is where he keeps his precious, precious treasure. One memorable scene has him looking in his big treasure chest when no one is around and worrying that everyone wants his gold. He is a delusional paranoid, but I love him.

Bottom Line
If you’re a comic fan, you will enjoy it. Nothing world-shattering, but a fun read none-the-less. Stan Lee was really a great comic writer in the ‘60s (at least in comparison to his competition), and Jack Kirby’s art remains very fresh and innovative. Jack Kirby’s Pop Art stylings have influenced so, so many artists, and with good reason. Even pop art painter Roy Lichtenstein’s work seems at least partialy influenced by Kirby. Journeyman Don Heck takes on the art chores in the last few issues, and his work is acceptable, but spotty at times. If you’re not a super-hero comic fan, I already made fun of the stupidest parts of this book, so spend your $50 on front row seats to watch arena football instead.

Another article finished. Now I only have to wait like 8 months before Hollywood sends me a check for it.

-Future

Resources:
If you’re interested in learning more about any of these characters visit the Marel Handbook
If you enjoy seeing men in spandex visit the Hawk Cave

.

No, no no… this comic book isn’t pornography or anything. Get your filthy monkey mind out of the gutter. MvsR is too classy a site to review porn (unless any porn companies are willing to shill out some big bucks to Hollywood, then maybe). This is the life story of Dan Pussey, fictitious comic writer/artist superstar and perennial loser. I like it, but it’s definitely not for everyone.

Initially, Dan Clowes comics might be a bit hard to enjoy. He’s obviously a bitter, angry man (like me!) and his comics have a spiteful sense of humor. He often crosses the line between funny and mean to just plain mean. Mean like that schoolyard bully that used to throw firecrackers at me. His art might also turn people off as it can only be described as “seedy”. Even flipping through his work might make you a little uncomfortable. All of his characters are ugly, scummy, creepy or some other unflattering adjective. That said if you like biting humor, this might be worth a read for you.

Short synopsis: The legendary epic of Dan Pussey is recounted throughout the book. We see his disturbing childhood, his rise and fall in the comic industry, and his eventual death. Dan Pussey is kind of like Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons, nerdy, virginal, tubby and annoying. I don’t think he’s really a sympathetic character, but you might pity him. Imagine the biggest loser in your high school, and then take away any slightly redeeming qualities they may have had and you have Dan Pussey.

Dan grows up getting bullied, laughed at by girls and eats lots of greasy food. He dreams of being a comic artist, and one day his dream comes true. He becomes a superstar in the super-hero comic industry, which still doesn’t make him much less of a loser. I mean, someone who wins a pie-eating contest is successful, but that doesn’t make him or her well liked or happy. Dan forays into the world of artsy comics (the ones I read, because I’m cultured… and a snob) and a brief stint in the “real” art world. He ends up getting a big ego, and becomes a big prick to the legions of dweebs that admire him and his work. Trent Gaswell, a smashmouth young geek, eventually usurps him and eventually the world forgets about Dan. He spends his last years coming to terms with being a has-been. He dies, and no one remembers him. That’s a nice happy ending, huh?

As I said, it’s hard to feel sorry for Dan Pussey, because he doesn’t do anything to make himself a better person. Instead he retreats into comic fantasies when he can’t handle situations such as dealing with bullies or talking to girls. He responds to abuse by cowering or shutting up, and once he’s a comic book star he looks down on anyone he thinks won’t fight back. Oh, yeah, he’s delusional too. Dan believes his work will live on long after he dies, assuring him immortality. Not likely sunshine! He makes me laugh at times, but mostly his character will just make you cringe. Ay-yi-yi!

Pussey! rips the comic industry to shreds as it pokes fun at mindless super-hero comics, obsessive fanboys, and money grubbing businessmen. Some of this stuff might be a tad too “inside” for the general reader. The short pieces “The Artist’s Life” and “Portrait of the Artist as a Young Pussey” lampoon the art world in general. Understand that Dan Clowes went to art school and has a bone to pick with pretentious artists, outré artists, cutthroat artists etc. These two stories are particularly vicious, showing the argument that Art = Making Money and little else. Ouch! Harsh views of American family life, Pussey’s parents think he’s useless and accuse him of being gay because he can’t get dates are commonplace throughout this book. A lack of identifiable characters exists, as everyone’s clueless and self-absorbed. People feed off each other; everyone’s some sort of parasite. Bleak world view there Mr. Clowes! I wish somebody would give him a hug because he needs one.

Bottom line: If you’re a comic dork like me, you’ll probably appreciate the deep biting satire in Pussey!, but the average reader will probably have a hard time appreciating it. You may want to avoid this book if you wish to retain any faith in humanity you may have. If you get a kick out of laughing at dorks, then this IS the book for you. ‘Nuf said… I’m gonna watch a Care Bears marathon to cheer myself up now.

-Future

What Other Members Think
Croc Hunter: I wanted to make a Croc Hunter coloring book once, but everyone told me I scare little children. Crikey! I’m lovable!? Right?! What tyke wouldn’t get a thrill out of coloring in my croc-inflicted lacerations or the reproductive organs of a Galapagos turtle? Anti-Aussie American dinguses!

Warhol: The art industry a sham? Who would have thought? Not me, I’m an honest and reputable artist. Now would you please drop your trousers young man, I’m doing a diamond dust silkscreen series of uncircumcised penises.

Other Resources For Pussey er.. umm.. Dan Clowes:

Buy this comic from Amazon.com
Buy this comic from Barnes & Noble
Dan Clowes Bio
An interview with Dan Clowes
Salon articles about Dan Clowes

Well, everyone’s heard about the Tick, it’s some sort of “cult classic” cartoon that used to be on Fox. But have any of you Tick fans out there ever considered the humble beginnings of the character? Where did this overnight sensation come from? Ok, fine, so maybe 3 people have given it a thought, but that doesn’t matter. The Future is here to answer unasked questions. I have a mind containing more knowledge than the Library of Alexandria, but it’s all useless knowledge. I have yet to find a person who cares that I know the win-loss record of former WWF superstar Jim Powers, or the real names of all the founding X-Men. Uh… I guess I’m rambling. Ok, this is an experimental stream of consciousness review like all the kids who hang around Starbucks do. Errr… I’m gonna go to sleep and write this article later.