Fyodor Dostoevsky - Crime and Punishment Book Review
By hazzard | Posted in • Reading
Sure, everyone reviews the books that just came out, but who is going to review the classics? Just old farts that still stink. Do you want to read a verbose critical analysis by some guy who probably hasn’t written a single significant piece of fiction in his life or would you rather read a brief haphazard run-through by a guy who can’t spell most words with more than four letters? Regardless of the answer, I hope you enjoy Scott Hazzard’s review of…..
Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. This book really sounds intimidating, but it’s not all that hard to read, unless you’re in space. Then, you might have to strap yourself down so you don’t spin around too much to read. Let’s break down the plot for you. It’s a standard “guy meets girl, guy blasts girl in the forehead with hatchet, guy meets other girl, hilarity ensues” kind of tale.
Our hero, Raskolnikov, (let’s call him Frank ‘cause it’s easier to spell) is despondent about his position as a lowly former student living below the poverty line. He does what any normal psychotic maniac would do and slams some old bag and her less old, but equally ‘bag’ sister in the face with a hatchet. Frank believes that if he is a superior man like Napoleon or Edward Norton, he can get away with his crime, propelling him through the ranks of Russian society until that fine day when he might be powerful enough to manage a thruway McDonalds in Port Byron, New York. We all have dreams. Sigh…
Frank gets very sad. His sister and mother show up to remind him that he should stop being worthless ‘cause they have to sacrifice a lot for him. Frank fights back by insulting his sister’s would-be husband, who is a money grubbing little doofus. Throw in some of Frank’s silly drunken friends and a hooker with a heart of gold (yeah, all stories need one) and you’ve got yourself one killer (excuse the terrible pun) novel. Also there’s a shady police investigator and a Creepy GuyTM who wants to bag Frank’s sister. There’s parties, there’s shouting, there’s dancing in the streets, and everyone either freaks out, falls in love, or dies. That’s a one in three shot at happiness!! Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside like a stale Twinkie left on a picnic table on a sunny July afternoon?
This book is by far one of the best I’ve ever read. It causes you to think in depth about human psychology, sexuality, and religion. If you don’t want to think while reading it, you can always cheer whenever the half-baked Franky rags someone out. And you can shout out “you so crazy” while shaking your head in a way that seems to defy the laws of physics whenever someone goes stark raving mad. If you’re in it for a good cry, just imagine the random drunken, fat smelly Russian of your choice as Brad Pitt or Leonardo Dicaprio. Don’t worry he’ll be dead in a miserable, tragic way before you know it, and you can break out as many boxes of Kleenex you like.
I don’t know much about literature, but I’m pretty sure that this book should be famous. It’s got a really nice picture on the cover and it’s foreign. So right there it’s got everything that’s good about the Chicken Cordon Blue sandwich at Wendy’s all wrapped up. Really, check this book out. I give it four stars. Right now, I’m not saying that it’s four out of five or ten or even three, because I’m not sure how much I’ll like other books in the future. Maybe, I’ll like this Cat in the Hat book one buttock-load more than C N’ P. You never know. See ya later…
-Hazzard
Shameless Plug:
Buy this book at Amazon.com
More Information on Dostoevsky:
World of Dostoevsky
The Complete Works of Dostoevsky
Some guy who thinks he’s really smart
The past few days I’ve been chain smoking like a bastard because I have no access to food right now (my refrigerator is haunted) and I’m cranky. This is bad for me, but good for you, my adoring public, because it gives me much more free time in which to write more articles. Where’s my fan mail btw? Send me stuff. Now!
This is an interesting book. It’s a good book too, I suppose, but I definitely had issues with it. I hate Victorian fancy-schmancy speaking, and this book has way too much of it. I guess people found it charming, but I think it sounds ridiculous. “Yes, my dear, indeed don’t you know?” Whatever. Miles in particular is prone to using flowery talk. I wanted to bash him with a brick. Shut your word-hole kid, think you’re better than me? Why couldn’t more people write like Mark Twain or Stan Lee? This book is also somewhat difficult to read because of its’ ambiguous nature. See, the above plot summary is sort of what the governess thinks is happening. There’s also a good chance that she’s a kook whose having delusions. Or she might just be making this shit up so the rich uncle will marry her. The conflict between the story being about real ghosts or fake ghosts leads to some very different interpretations when reading the story. Are the little hellions being seduced by the ghosts into a life of vile purification, or are they just frightened because their governess should be sharing a cell with 
On the plus side, this is a nice penny dreadful. The pacing is somewhat slow, but it’s got a great way of teasing the reader and building up to increasing levels of spookiness. There’s no gore or spooky people in sheets, but James does make you feel the creepiness and stuff (to be exact –ed.). Even if they are imagined, psychological horror stories ala Hitchcock can be fun. I mean I like Hitchcock. Who doesn’t? If you don’t, then don’t even bother talking to me. Then again, today kids are only scared of hard work and herpes, so most people won’t find this story frightening. Stupid kids. 
Shameless Plug:
Once again, I’ve decided to tackle a so-called classic. This time, it’s Hermann Hesse’s Demian. This book is about a wimpy whiner called (Email or Emilie or something or other) Sinclair who develops a strong spiritual dependency on this older boy named Demian. Given homoerotic implications one might be fooled into thinking this relationship was interesting. Throughout the book, Sinclair whines and mopes, over-analyzing his boring existence while slowly “learning” that he is a special breed of person (meaning that he doesn’t have to plan for the future, get a real job, or stop masturbating anytime soon).
I found the book to be quite interesting, but my professor of philosophy and I agreed that the so-called “children of Cain” in the story were sort of flat characters. There were some interesting things done with philosophy. For those of you who read some Plato, there is a character called Pistorious who takes the whole knowledge=recollection thing to a whole new level. Still, there is a jumbled irony in the characters. We see these “special” people think real hard and not do crap except have premonitions and talk about a great future. This future comes in the form of them getting swept up just like everybody else in the big European war. I laughed. 
I found the characters to be whining posers without much concern for community and a terrible habit of overstating the obvious. Yes, Sinclair, we’re different people at home and outside of the home, but why let it torture your brain and why let it torture mine? As Sinclair bumbles from one hopeless obsession to another, we follow a retelling of his life from his school days getting bullied around to his later days of just bumming around. And really, I would have given this kid an Indian burn that would leave a red mark well into his teens. He’s a rich, pampered prissy boy who has an education handed to him. He’s smart only in that he latches onto smart people. These smart people are super-intellectual pillars of spiritual perfection. Just the type of people who’d say, “duh, you just don’t get it!” and not provide any serious answers.
Shameless Plug:
