It’s 2:00pm.  You’ve been standing for hours.  You’ll be standing for another five or more.  Everywhere you look, the sour faces of people who forget that you’re a human being and figure you’re some mindless automaton that knows nothing about anything.  You get yelled at for the nintieth time that day.  Small children scowl at you and throw sticky candies that are inevitably lodged in their new permanent home, your hair.  Old men ask you “What time you’re available” tonight.  You finally get to get away for awhile to eat something, and you hear an authoritative voice trailing behind you- “Come back in twenty minutes, we can’t afford to give you an hour.”  Yep, that’s my job!  I’m a retail drone.

As someone who is pursuing a career in the arts, I’m forced to find myself employment elsewhere while I train and finish up my schooling.  While living in a recycled refridgerator box and eating lint you’ve scraped out of the corner may work for part of the year, towards the winter it tends to not be as much of a picnic.  This will be a bi-monthly article that can be used as a resource for getting a job in the wacky world of corporate retail.  Doesn’t that sound fun?

So You Want to Work Retail.

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Thanks to Georgie B, the economy is in the metaphorical toilet right now.  What does this mean for you?  If you’re an adult, it means some of you lose your original jobs and as a result take jobs that would normally be occupied by adolescents just to keep the family afloat.  Hey kids, isn’t it great to walk into McDonald’s and see your mom serving up burgers?  Thanks G.W!  The kids are now S.O.L. themselves for finding employment, as the jobs they would have normally applied for are being taken by their parents.  Yay!  Don’t worry though.  The smaller independant retail stores are always staffed by the same people who work endless hours a day just to save money and not hire extra help, or they’re part of a family business, so you can count them out.  Luckily, giant corporations have such a high turnover rate, that (with the exception of right after Christmas) they’ll pretty much hire anyone, anytime!

The Application Proccess.

Do you remember exactly when and where you started your first job, when you were 16, what you were wearing, who was your manager, what their phone number is, how much you made, and why you worked there?  Be prepared, because you’ll have to remember every little thing about your prior jobs for your application.  I can’t remember where I left my car keys let alone what day I started work back in 1995.  Luckily there’s a thing called a resume.  You won’t be formally needing it for the job you’re now possibly signing your life away to, but it does make a handy reference chart for when you fill out application after boring application.  Apply everywhere you can, so at least you’ll have somewhat of a choice of who gets to yell at you.

Waiting.

Your applications are all in?  Now, you wait.  No one ever calls back when they say they will.  Most times it takes weeks before they even look at your application.  However, you can now leave with the feeling of accomplishment.  You’ve done all you can, submitted the applications, talked to potential employers.  It’s their move now.  This is a very special time in your life.  You’ve made tons of progress in a short amount of time, and you can’t do anything but wait.  Now you can do nothing but play video games all day long 100% guilt free.  Enjoy!

-Ma!denD!saster

Next week:  The Interviews, Dress Code, and Your First Big Day!